So let me quote a bad 90’s song by saying “Let’s talk about sex baby”

So I would like to start off by saying I’m sex positive. That means I’m all for various ways people want to express and act out their sexuality as long as it’s healthy and consensual. I think it’s just common sense, especially since I feel having a healthy sexuality is an important part of the human condition. We all have natural urges and are psychologically complex creatures, so I find it ridiculous to disparage people from things like viewing porn, masturbation, fetishes, or whatever sex act you care to name.

I’m not the biggest fan of Sex and the City, but I did enjoy a fair amount of episodes and I tended to root for Samantha with her take charge of her sex life attitude. She also was not afraid to talk about sex bluntly which is different from the majority of women that feel a bit embarrassed or awkward to talk about sex, let alone express what they want. I don’t completely blame my fellow ladies for being like that, many of us got mixed signals during our socialization of how we’re supposed to act in relation to sex. Many women have learned to be passive about their sex lives and I think that could possibly hold them and their partners back from really enjoying themselves.

Like the majority of the United States I was raised Christian and experienced some sexual repression from that (see “Wait till marriage” post https://atheistnerdgirl.wordpress.com/2015/03/) so I can empathize with women that are uncomfortable with sex. Took me a while to get comfortable with some things and talking about it candidly is still a little hard for me a times.

Because of my sex positive views, I feel people can be empowered through the enjoyment of expressing their sexuality. One step towards that is not placing too much importance on societal norms. When it comes to sexuality many think we need to follow what we view as normal in culture and sometimes feel a sense of guilt if we deviate from the norm and are worried about what others may think. Samantha is a great example of an empowered character because she didn’t care she was challenging norms, she challenged them but she was just being herself and having fun.

There’s a strange segment of the left that seem to want to repress sexuality like the religious do. Both sides give me the sense they don’t think women enjoy sex, with one side acting like it’s giving into the patriarchy or rape and the other side acting like it’s just a duty to one’s spouse or only for reproduction. This could be a shocking statement to some, but many of us women enjoy sex and want it just as much as men do!

We would probably have an easier time enjoying sex if it weren’t for the mixed and unhealthy messages people are getting about sex. So I say, fuck it! Forget what others think and think about what gets you off and bask in that. It’s your life and your pleasure, so fuck what others or society thinks. If you have a consenting partner (or partners, I won’t judge), talk to them about what you want and don’t be passive about your pleasure. I think because of the various mixed messages women and men get about sex they are sometimes uncomfortable talking about things and expressing what they want or don’t want because of fear of judgment. But who gives a fuck if you’re judged, you shouldn’t be doing anything with that person if they don’t want to take the time to listen and understand. It’s also not the end of the world if the experience isn’t earth shattering every time, sex is sometimes a learning experience and that’s one of the great things about it. It’s even fine to regret doing something you consented to, but don’t dwell on it or hate yourself or the other person for it and learn from that experience. So be positive folks, don’t judge others’ kinks and enjoy your’s in healthy ways.

samanthaSex

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5 thoughts on “So let me quote a bad 90’s song by saying “Let’s talk about sex baby”

  1. Indeed, pooroldkilgore, I agree that good communication between lovers gains so much for both. I’ve had less communicative lovers, I’ve had lovers who sought to increase the pleasure for both of us and joined me in conversation maybe even experimentation about what exactly would improve the experience for us both. Like many things this adds to the joined experience, understanding the others’ wants and needs. (Bosses, business partners, neighbours and lovers).
    A considerate lover wishes to meet the challenges of their partner’s (long- term or temporary) desires, find out what REALLY does it for them.
    That post was well explained and well understood.

    All the best,
    Woody

  2. Having the courage to express, and seek to realize ones wants first and foremost. Then communication and compatibility. I think your last line says it all, “So be positive folks, don’t judge others’ kinks and enjoy your’s in healthy ways.” Good stuff, enjoyed reading it..

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